A new clause.

Thanks to our splendid family, David and I've had a wonderful Xmas, so this latest post is no reflection on said festive period. However, our Forwords writing group had a party and decided to celebrate with a grumpy theme. This was my contribution.

A NEW CLAUSE.

I'm so hacked off. Just a fortnight before Xmas, my dear husband announced that he and that botoxed Elvina were heading off to a bright and better future where there was a bit of sand, sunshine and loadsafun assured.

'Why don't you go after the 25^th' ? I asked. 'Then, at least the little children won't be disappointed.'

Obviously tickled, he ho -hoed a bit then said, 'You've been a stay at home wifie for the last two centuries, but in case you haven't noticed, the times they are a changing.' He broke into a tuneless rendering of some sad old song I never did like. 'No, this is the age of gender equality. It'll give you an excellent opportunity to join part of a wonderful hardworking workforce.' He thought for a moment, then added. 'Pity about Rudolph tho.' He'll be off to get some cosmetic surgery. Something to do with his nose and antler relocation. Still, the others will be happy to pull together. Ho Ho.' And then he was off with a spring in his step, I last saw when we tied the knot- a clove-hitch as I remember and certainly know what bit of that's lasted.

Anyway, I thought I'd better go and consult the elves. See how they were doing without Elvina.

'She was never the same after she became a shop steward,' one explained, ' and I'd have taken her place but I'll be off on maternity leave next week . Actually,' she thought for a moment before adding, 'I'm due TOIL, so I should be off now.'.' And with that, she waddled off, muttering, ' Damm- this bloomin' tummy's hell with these tights tights. I'd be better with wings but the angels aren't for sharing.'

'Never mind wings, ' I cried, ' what about the other elves?'

'We've been pretty busy this year,' came a chorus. 'So many meetings about time saving methods, and filling in disclosure documents, legal documents and so forth, there's been no time left to make anything.'

'Well I've been left to sort out Santa's jobsworth, ' I cried and went to complain to the reindeers lining up at Lapland's food bank.

'We're so scared we lose our place in this queue, we're not going anywhere this year,' Dasher said.

I stomped home. Had a straight gin, phoned the Claus helpline and what should I get but my own ansaphone voice apparently saying, 'Hello Boys and Girls. Xmas is just around the corner,.' 

Well I had to delete all that happiness promises and got the idea from a recent energy website. After giving the Santa-line email address, I put on the message. 'Thankyou for contacting us. We are working hard to respond but have higher than usual volume at the moment. Please be assured we will reply as soon as we can. (Probably after Xmas).

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